World of Magenta

Secuil kenangan bersamamu

2006-08-04T16:35:00.000+07:00

Aku lewati jalanan itu. Dulu kami sering tertawa-tawa membaca namanya: Jalan Dogol. Letaknya tengah kota Jakarta tapi dengan posisi yang menyempil tak terlihat orang. Waktu itu sedang macet dan kita sering saling mengatai dengan kata-kata: "Dogol lo."

Aku dengar radio di suatu malam. Aku dengar lagunya Bryan Adams: "Here I Am." Lagu soundtrack nya cartoon Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron. Bukan cartoon terlalu populer tapi karena dubbernya adalah Matt Damon, kami jadi suka. Waktu menontonnya saat itu, siang-siang di komputerku dan kamisangat terkesan dengan bagaimana karakter Spirit sesuai banget dengan suara Matt Damon.

Aku pergi ke karaoke bersama teman-temanku. Tapi tetap saja, yang teringat adalah dia. Karena pengalaman pergi ke karaoke yang paling berkesan adalah dengan dia. Suatu hari Selasa jam 4 sore, kami habiskan 2 jam bernyanyi-nyanyi berdua. Kami terpana melihat clipnya F4, karena saat itu kami fans berat mereka. Saking terpananya sampai-sampai kami gak bisa nyanyi.

Tak sengaja aku lihat sebuah buku motif di meja teman kantorku. Banyak corak dan warna. Salah satunya paisley, motif kesukaanmu. Kecintaanmu pada paisley begita mendarah daging dan kamu buat semua nickname, email, dan passwordmu dengan kata itu.

Itu cuma sebagian kecil dari kenangan bersamamu. Ternyata aku begitu merindukanmu. Aku kehilangan tawa candamu, celaan-celaanmu, nyanyi-nyanyimu, semangat petualanganmu, dan masih banyak lagi.

Jangan lupakan aku, walau aku tau kamu berada di tempat lain yang tak mungkin kucapai saat ini.

In memoriam, Andia Linawati

Balinese Sunset

2006-05-18T13:07:00.000+07:00

I've proved it...
that Balinese sunset has driven my heart to care about him more
It's only sunset...just like any other sunset anywhere in the world,
but it's the feelings and ambience that influenced the mood

It was in Kuta beach,
one of the famous beaches in the world.
Holiday paradise, tourist destination, great wave for surfing.
It was not a clean beach ever, got lots of corals, cigarette butts, and other forms of rubbish

I could see people enjoy themselves on the beach
Young boys playing soccer,
Kids building up sand castle
Teenagers swimming
Families spending quality times
Couples walking and holding hands

I was waiting for him taking pictures
It really was not a romantic moment
But the sunset gave a warm feeling in my heart,
as I was there together with him

That Balinese sunset gradually vanished into the horizone line
We were holding hands till the sun finally set,
and watching people still enjoyed themselves

The smells and sound of Balinese sunset will always stay in my heart
It has been captured into my mind,
that in that very moment I have understood him better

I Am So Excited

2006-04-10T19:59:00.000+07:00

I am so excited
It pushes up my adrenaline and makes me feel so alive

I am so excited
I feel so powerfull that I want to do thing that bores me

I am so excited
I want to go to the office with fullfilled heart and ready to break a leg

I am so excited
I want to show the world that I am confident and ready to take any challenges

I am so excited
Being so excited will lead me into disappointment

I am so excited
I dont want to expect to much, because it can make me down

I am so excited
I'm afraid I will loose my energy because of my excitement

I am so excited
But I'm also worried

Beside all the statements above, actually I'm ready for losing you

MAMA

2006-04-10T19:49:00.000+07:00

Sejak aku kecil aku selalu memanggil ibuku dengan ‘Mama’. Menurutnya, panggilan mama itu adalah sebuah panggilan yang memudahkah bayi, karena kata-kata pertama yang diucapkan oleh bayi biasanya, mama, papa, dada, dan kata-kata lain yang biasanya terdiri dari pengulangan suku kata dengan akhiran vocal. Menurut ibuku juga, panggilan ‘ibu’ agak-agak sulit untuk bayi ucapkan. Butuh waktu lebih lama bagi seorang bayi untuk mengucapkan kata ‘ibu’.

Namun teori ini tidak berlaku bagi ayahku. Dengan latar belakang budaya Jawanya yang kental, aku dan kakakku memanggilnya dengan ‘Bapak’. Kalau dilihat-lihat hal ini pulalah yang menunjukkan pola pikir dan latar belakang mereka. Ibuku juga seorang Jawa yang pernah sekolah di luar negeri, dibesarkan di ibukota, dan lingkungannya sangat mempengaruhi pola berpikirnya yang mengikuti pola pikir barat. Sedangkan ayahku berasal dari Jawa Timur, pola pikirnya masih tradisional dan masih sangat menjunjung tinggi nilai-nilai budaya dan tradisi Jawa. Hal ini dapat tercermin dari cara aku dan kakakku memanggil mereka: Mama dan Bapak. Cukup tak lazim dibandingkan dengan orang-orang pada umumnya yang memanggil orang tua mereka dengan panggilan yang match: Ibu-Bapak, Mama-Papa, dll.

Panggilan ’Mama’ untuk ibuku sebenarnya mempunyai makna yang cukup besar baginya. Karena panggilan ini menjadi panggilan unuk khusu untuk dirinya. Kakakku adalah cucu pertama di keluarga ibuku. Ibuku adalah anak kedua dari 8 bersaudara. Kehadiran kakakku menjadi pusat perhatian keluarga besar ibuku. Panggilan ’Mama’ yang ditujukan dari kakakku ke ibuku pada akhirnya menjadi panggilan semua orang untuk ibuku. Tante-tante dan oom-oomku memanggilnya dengan Mama-e, plesetan dari Mbak-e. Bahkah akhirnya Eyangku pun juga memanggilnya dengan Mama-e. Mama menjadi panggilan resmi ibuku dan kebetulan juga tante-tante ku yang lain tidak ada yang dipanggil mama oleh anak-anaknya. Sampai-sampai para pembantu di rumah Eyangku tahu siapakah ’Si Mama’ itu.

Yang uniknya, panggilan itu akhirnya merembet ke sepupuku. Karena kami seumur, kami sering main bersama. Dan berhubung sepupuku ini memanggil ibunya dengan panggilan ’Ib’, kependekan dari ibu, dia pun ikut-ikut memanggil ibuku dengan ’Mama’. Ada 2 alasan mengapa dia melakukan hal itu: 1. Dia ikut-ikut aku (maklum dia lebih muda dan selalu imitating yang lebih tua), 2. Dia sebenarnya ingin memanggil ibunya dengan panggilan ’mama’ tapi tak kesampaian. Tanteku, yang adalah ibunya, juga selalu me-refer ibuku sebagai Mama kepada sepupuku itu. Sampai saat ini sepupuku itum selalu memanggil ibuku dengan ”mama”. Tak pernah aku mendengarnya memanggil ’bu dhe’ kepada ibuku.

Sejalan dengan berjalannya waktu, identitas ibuku sebagai Mama menjadi semakin meluas. Setelah menikah, kakak iparku memanggil ibuku dengan ”Mama”, mengikuti kakakku. Secara kebetulan iparku ini memanggil ibunya dengan ”Ibu”. Karena hal ini jugalah, si tante ibunya iparku ini selalu merefer ibuku sebagai ’Mama’ kepada iparku. ”Rum, ini titipan untuk mamamu ya”. ” Bilang terima kasih sama mamamu ya”. Kok aku bisa tau? Yah aku hanya mengutip cerita-cerita iparku. Jadi, panggilan ibu itu adalah untuk ibu kandungnya, panggilan mama adalah untuk ibu mertuanya.

Setelah menjadi nenek, ibuku sudah berniat untuk dipanggil Granny. Unsur pengaruh budaya baratnya terlihat pada kasus ini. Keponakanku sekarang berusia hampir 3 tahun. Dulu pada saat belajar ngomong, keponakanku ini selalu memanggil seseorang dengan suku kata terakhir, seperti memanggil ibunya dengan bu, ayahnya dengan pak, dan neneknya dengan ’ni’ (dari Granny), karena masih susah untuk mengucapkan kata-kata dengan penuh.

Entah kenapa pada saat bicaranya mulai improve, panggilan kepada ibuku menjadi ’Nin’. Mungkin dengan menyebut ’nin’ lebih muda baginya ketimbang ’ni’. Dasar anak kecil, mereka selalu membeo orang-orang disekitarnya. Suatu hari ia memanggil ibuku dengan ”Mama”. Karena statusnya adalah cucu, ibuku keberatan dipanggil mama oleh cucunya. Setelah diajari berkali-kali untuk mengucapkan ’Granny’, sepertinya mengucapkan kata tersebut mungkin cukup repot untuknya. Dia malahan menciptakan panggilan baru: Mama Nin. Mama dari hasil beo nya mendengarkan orangtuanya memanggil ibuku, dan Nin adalah modifikasi kependekan Granny. Jadilah sekarang panggil resmi Granny adalah: Mama Nin. Sampai-sampai guru-guru pre school keponakanku juga ikut-ikut memanggil ibuku dengan Mama Nin.

Ibuku memang menjadi Mama bagi semua orang; anak-anak, suami, adek-adek, keponakan, menantu dan yang paling lucu, juga bagi cucunya. Identitas yang menjadikannya selalu dicintai oleh seluruh keluarganya. Tak cuma sekedar panggilan, tapi juga dari caranya mengayomi orang-orang disekitarnya, ibuku memang Mama sejati.

Selamat Tinggal Masa Lalu

2006-04-02T09:19:00.000+07:00

Masa lalu adalah bagian dari hidup, dimana tanpa adanya masa lalu seseorang tidak bisa menjadi seperti sekarang. Terkadang mengingat masa lalu bisa menjadi suatu refleksi bagi diri sendiri, kalau dimasa lalu kita bisa menjadi lebih kuat dari masa kini atau sebaliknya. Mengingat masa lalu juga bisa membawa seseorang pada suatu kenangan yang membuat dirinya lebih hidup dibandingkan masa tersebut. Tapi dengan sendirinya masa lalu juga bisa membawa seseorang pada suatu penyesalan panjang yang membawa luka.

Ada apa dengan masa lalu sebenarnya???

Pada saat ini, aku selalu membawa diriku flash back ke masa lalu, dan aku dibuatnya terjepit antara mengingat dan melupakan. Flash back ke masa lalu adalah hal yang sangat mudah, apalagi kalau didukung dengan hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan masa lalu tersebut. Misalnya, saat mendengar sebuah lagu, flash back ke masa lalu akan dengan sangat cepat terjadi, terutama untuk hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan rasa dan cinta.

Sabtu kemarin, aku datang ke salah satu kawinan teman baikku. Berhubung dengan status jomblo sedang aku sandang saat ini, jadilah aku melangkah sendiri ke pesta tersebut, tanpa pasangan or pendamping. Semua orang datang dengan pasangan atau keluarga atau teman. Aku sendiri saja. Setelah salaman, mulailah aku mencari-cari tampang-tampang mana yang bisa kusalami. Akhirnya bertemulah dengan beberapa teman. Basa-basi sebentar dan aku pun berniat meninggalkan mereka....pulang maksudnya. Mau makan pun enggan karena antri dimana-mana.

Tiba-tiba sekelebat aku melihat seseorang yang aku sangat familiar dengan wajah dan gaya jalannya. Dia tidak datang sendiri tentunya, tetapi bersama pasangannya. Niat untuk pulang pun kuurungkan karena aku ingin ngobrol-ngobrol sedikit dengannya. At least basa-basi. Aku pun pura-pura ambil makanan untuk mengulur waktu. Ketika akhirnya dia berjalan ke arahku, aku pun memanggilnya. Kami bersalaman, dan tentu saja aku salami juga pasangannya. Harapanku dia akan sedikitnya bertanya kabarku or something....tapi dia beralih ke teman lain. Aku pun berbasa-basi sedikit dengan pasangannya, yang sepertinya juga males aku ajak ngobrol lebih lanjut.Cepat-cepat aku makan makananku, lalu aku cepat-cepat melangkah keluar dari tempat itu.

Diperjalanan pulang aku merasa bodoh sebodoh-bodohnya. Dia adalah salah satu masa laluku. Masa laluku yang meninggalkan banyak jejak dalam hidupku. Dia adalah mantan pacarku yang pertama. Pertama untuk segalanya. Di kawinan itu aku masih berharap dia mau ngobrol atau menyapaku. Apalagi istrinya sempat begitu ramah padaku di kesempatan lain. Jelas terbaca dia tak mau lagi berurusan dengan aku. Beberapa kali kami sempat chat di internet. Dia duluan yang menyapa. Oleh karenanya aku menganggap dia baik-baik saja denganku, dalam arti kami tetap teman baik. Apakah aku adalah ancaman untuk perkawinannya?? Apakah aku salah bila ingin tetap berteman dengannya? Apakah karena ada istrinya disitu sehingga dia bertingkah sangat menyebalkan?

Diperjalanan pulang itu pula aku berpikir untuk meninggalkan masa laluku dengannya, yang mungkin seharusnya sudah aku lakukan sejak dia menikah. Perlu kuakui kalau adalah susah untukku untuk melupakan dia sepenuhnya. It takes times, but I can do it. Memang kami sudah jarang keep in touch, dan rasa dekat yang sempat ada setelah putus pun sudah tak terlalu terasa lagi. Tapi momen tersebut meyakinkan aku untuk melepaskan semua kenangan dengannya. Sudah terlalu lama berlalu dan untuk saat ini tak perlu lagi untuk diingat lagi. Maka dari itu, untuk hal ini masa lalu akan menjadi duri dalam daging untuk hidupku. Orang yang aku ingat-ingat dalam masa laluku pun tak akan ingat aku lagi. It's gonna be useless. So, selamat tinggal masa laluku dengan kamu. Walaupun sudah menjadi cerita panjang dalam hidupku, tapi itu hanyalah cerita yang tak perlu diingat-ingat lagi.

A Poem

2006-03-05T23:50:00.000+07:00

Please go away
You've been haunting me all this time
It sounds like a cliche song lyrics, but I can't get rid of you from my mind
I wanna see you
I wanna meet you
But I realize, it'll turn out into a disappointment

Very hard thing to face when you're expecting someone who doesn't expect you
Very hurt to feel the wasted love
Very tired to try to forget someone but he keeps on coming to your mind
Very sad to know we no longer have those beautiful moments like we used to have
Very confusing to hear that in some ways you still want me like I do

What should I do?
I only need to clear things up

Dearest Best Friends

2006-03-05T23:35:00.000+07:00

Is it a wrong thing if one looses her feelings to her friends? Some can say, friends will be friends. Whatever will happen, the friendship will never fall apart, because it's not romance. Some also can say, time changes everything. As time goes by, the feelings toward something can be changed too. Not only between lovers, but friends too.

At this moment, I feel like loosing my friends. To be exact, my best friends. We used to hang out together, keeping in touch to each other between our busy days. When I was overseas, I could feel very close bond we had while we were apart. Saturday afternoon used to be our meeting day. Leaving all the business on the weekdays and sharing all the experiences and hopes.

I am sorry to say, best friends. But I dont feel that way anymore. I don't even feel to tell you what I'm going through in my life right now. Is it because of being busy??? Is it so hard to arrange time to meet?? One thing that made me sad was, when we met I didn't feel that bond anymore. I am so sad, really sad.

Are we those people who are drawn in the harsh and fully pressured metropolitan kind of life that it's hard for me to spend more time? Do we really loose it or it's just me? I'm wondering myself looking for the answer. I haven't found it yet

She Was A Great Friend

2006-01-10T10:16:00.000+07:00

I lost a friend. She passed away at 3.45 pm, on Monday 9 January 2006, after long suffering illness.

I went to her house to give condolences to her family. I saw her there, lying on mattress, covered with batik. Her face was covered by a sheer white piece of fabric. Her face was so thin and I could see that she was in deep pain before she’s gone. I couldn’t help myself from crying. I sat there, praying. I talked to her, telling her how sorry I was that I couldn’t be a good friend for her on her last days. My dearest best friend has gone forever.

Later on that nite back to my home, I looked at our pictures. We always had great moments. We always shared our stories. We encouraged to each other. We did crazy things together. We taught each other about life. We had learnt from the past that our friendship had been through several tests that made us to be more appreciative to each other. She was always there for me in happy or sad times. She was a great listener.

She always told me to think positive, because if we think negative about something; we would see the thing as something bad. It would psychologically affect our lives. For how bad situation she’s ever experienced, she always saw it as a way to find something else. Even when she got the illness, she thought it was a big challenge from God that she had to face. She was the most optimist person I’ve ever met.

I remember something she’d ever told me when I was feeling down.
We were in a restaurant. We just finished eating. There was a glass of water with ¾ full and she asked me,
“Look at this glass. What do you think?”
I said, “It’s almost full.”
She was smiling and said, “You should not see it as an almost-full glass of water. Instead you should think that the glass has been filled with ¾ of water. You should fill the ¼ part to make it full.”
“You shouldn’t think how much left you have to do with your life, but you have to think that you have done something with your life that now you should continue fulfilling it.”

On the last days of her life, she was still trying to recover. She still thought of getting better that she would be able to go to the beach, to wear jeans, to eat ice cream and cheese, to drive, to create paisley design, and to do her other favourite activities. She was really a fighter.

One thing that was a very typical of her was, she always willing to spend her time just to help her friends. Even though sometimes it would put her into troubles, but as long as she could help her friends she didn’t mind. So many times I asked her why she liked to be busy with those unimportant things; she just said that it was her characteristic of being busy. She could be stressed if she just couldn’t do anything. And indeed she got them in return after what she’s done to other people. She was never being alone because her all friends were always around her, and helped her whenever she needed. She was a kind person.

Writing this article, I’ve got mixed up feelings that are not easy to describe. I am sad, that I know she has gone forever, but I am also happy that now she has rested in peace, freed from her pain and found her happiness in heaven. Now, I just want to remember good memories of her life. I want to remember her with smiles in my heart.

Good bye Andia.
It’s been my treasure to ever know such a good friend and person like you.
I will be missing you always.

One of greatest moments with Andia

He's Finally Got A Wife

2006-01-08T23:01:00.000+07:00

I went to a friend’s wedding yesterday. He is one of good friends of mine back in Brisbane, Australia. The moment I greeted him, I was so touched knowing that now he has a wife…not only a girlfriend. Why did I think that way?

When in Ausie, I knew exactly how desperate he was to look for a girlfriend. For several times, he tried to approach some girls, who happened to be my close friends. That’s where my role to him: giving information about the girl he was approaching. The most important thing: giving clues and hints of how those girls thought about him. Unfortunately all the efforts he made were totally failures. Those girls only considered him a friend.

Then one day he told me that he had a girl friend. She is his mate in Indonesia and they’ve decided to go long distance. According to his story, their relationship was pretty intense and they seemed to go to next step: marriage. Finally he returned home to Indonesia last year and the plan was called off. He lost his interest in her. He came back to Brisbane empty handed. No partner, no wife.

I could see his desperation in seeking a partner through our chat on messenger. He told me that he made another effort to approach this particular girl. She is cute and kind. She only treated him like a brother. But it made him confused. Why? Because he had big feeling on her, while sometime she treated him more than friends. On the other hand she also closed to other guy…..He was totally upset. Again, another failure.

One day he told me this news. He would go back to Indonesia and get married!!!! WOW. He would marry another old friend of his. He hadn’t met this girl again before they decided to get married. What courage!!! Anyway, they really made it. In Sundanese white wedding dress, with his bride standing beside him, he looked so bright and charming. I could see the happiness on his eyes. The look of hope and satisfaction that he finally has someone in his life. I’ve never seen that look before after knowing him for 2 years. I am so happy for him. Next week he will go back to Brisbane….with a wife.

Learning from his story I realise, we never know how our match will come to us. It’s always a mystery that we have to wait until the time comes.

For my friend “The Storm”, congratulation and wish you a happily marriage.
I know you will not spend your time wondering alone in the city anymore.

Asian Movies

2005-12-02T18:32:00.000+07:00

My first encounter with Asian drama when I was in high school. At that time, Indosiar as a new TV station in Indonesia first intoduced Japanese drama in Indonesia. It became popular very quickly. The first drama I've ever seen was Tokyo Love Story.I was still in high school at that time and everybody became Japanese drama bugs in the entire school, which was all girl high school. Indosiar aired the drama every day. That's why we always updated the story every single day. We admired the actors, we hated the antagonist characters, and we were sad when something happened with the main role. Well...typical drama/movie bugs behaviour.

After Tokyo Love Story, Indosiar kept airing Japanese drama with other drama. We were occupied by those Japanese actors and actresses. One of my favorite was Ordinary People. It was the story about group of college students with all romances and intrigues among them. The soundtrack was very touching and people started to sing it, as well as buy the cassette compilation.As for me, I'd got other reason of becoming a Japanese drama bug. At that time I really wanted to get into Japanese studies with all dreams that I would go to Japan and worked there. I was so occupied with all these Japanese things. Not only the actors but also the culture.

However those dreams were changed as I did not study Japanese culture after high school.Asian drama fever struck Indonesia again when Meteor Garden drama was aired in Indonesia. It was 2002 and everybody talked about the drama. Meteor Garden with F4 as both the stars and characters became very popular. F4, with four young, handsome, musculine and attractive men in early 20s, become new idols. Everything about them amused not only the young girls, but also women in their 50s. They thrilled women that they became hungry about them. I was one of them. I watched the series, bought the album, and sang their songs. I liked to watched their music clip as for me they looked more appealling in the clips rather in the movies. Once I went to karaoke with a female friend. We just couldn't not sing any song because of those four guys really amazed us. It was like a new phenomenon that four Taiwanese young men could made all women in Asia crazy about them.

Nowadays, I can claim myself as Korean movies bugs. I love Korean movies. In my perspective, Korean movies always have beatiful pictures of their lands. The way they shoot the panorama really thrill me that I want to go to Korea. Each season is always seen in very delicate way. They are really strong in details and lighting. Since I've been a romantic drama lover, I collect almost all Korean drama movies sold in Indonesia. Most of the stories are very touching or funny. It depends. For me, it gives me chance to know Korean culture more. Because of it, now I like to love kimchee. Those movies and dramas really effect me, in a way to know more about Asian cultures. If I have a chance to go overseas again, I will prefer China or Korea. For me, Asian cultures have high level of civilization, even though they have been existed for so long. It's been my dream to go travelling to China, Korea and Japan. It will be a journey of life I'll treasure. Hope it will dreams come true

Friends Will Be Friends

2005-11-29T00:55:00.000+07:00

As a social creature, human beings must need friends in their life. It doesn’t matter how they will manage or how they build up the friendship. Still, we need friends.

Talking about friends, there are so many experiences in my life about friendships. Having been living for nearly three decades, I have learnt a lot about the meaning of friendship. They have taught me a lot about the meaning of life and how to understand other people’s interest or need from their perspectives. It gives me more understanding of taking and giving, as well as getting and loosing.

I learnt more about friendship during my stay in Australia. Having been away from home and my roots had forced me to be more open to others. At that time I had a need of knowing and having Indonesian friends. I tended to be friendlier to any Indonesian I’d encountered, no matter who he/she was. I had a really close friend in the first months. We became very close that people always saw us together, anytime & anywhere. She was my best friend. Even when we came back to Indonesia during semester break, we still spent time together in Jakarta. Nevertheless, thing went out of my expectation. We were in dispute and everything went differently. I tried to rebuild the ruin of our friendship, but it was too damage to be fixed. There were a wall between us and we just could not break it down. So, we went to different paths with different ways and friends. She was no longer my best friend, even up til now. I was so sad but I had to let her go. We are just not meant to each other anymore. All the happy moments we have seems gone with the wind. It’s very strange to see her with all the tenses and awkward feelings between us. We were best friend.

I also learn that time really changes people. Not only does time, but also environment. After coming back from Australia, I met up again with one of my friends. I hadn’t seen her for about 2 years, and surely there were many things for to catch up. At the time when I saw her again, I was so happy and excited. I missed all things we used to spend together. Unfortunately things were not like I thought. There was something different about her. In my mind, she had changed a lot. I barely knew her. I lost the chemistry we used to have in the past. We talked, we laughed but I felt something had been missing between us. She seemed to loose interests in what we used to have. I really wanted us to be close again like in the pas. I was in a dilemma. One thing I did was to think positive. I did not want too think that she had changed; on the other hand I thought that she had become completely stranger to me. Was it me or has she changed a lot? All I could do was denying myself and accepted her the way she was. I was sure everything was going be ok. Nevertheless, things were not getting better. I started feeling distance between us. The question was, should I make thing up or just let everything flows the way it will?? Since I’ve always believed that we were close friend, I’ve decided to accept her the way she was and tried to communicate what I felt about our friendship. What happens next would be the answer of how the relationship would go.

Having friends is also about how someone clicks to someone else in conversations. Similar or the same interests will be a value to build the conversations into relationship. In my experience, when I click to someone during a conversation, it will leave sort of a chemistry that would bind us further into other conversations. That chemistry would be the base to explore each other personality that could lead into friendship. Once I knew someone that further became my friend. We were pretty close but until this minute I can’s feel the chemistry when we talk. We hang out, we had party, we went clubbing, and moreover we went to movies together. But it’s very strange I always have that blank feeling when it was only the two of us. Sometimes I just lost topics during our conversations. We talked a lot but still I did not have that chemistry. Still, she is one of my dearest friends. I prefer not to hang out with her alone.

Once I’ve got that chemistry, for how far or how long I am being separated with this person, I always feel so close to her/him. It happens to someone who has been my friends for more than a decade. Starting from living in the same neighbourhood and having the same interest, we became very close to each other. She was really a good listener that I used to call her. She had to move to other city and it made our communication became less frequent. At the same time I also moved to other city and found a new life. However, every time I called her I always have that closeness between us, although we didn’t talk much. We still could catch each other stories and I did feel the same comfort whenever I talked to her. Now we live in the same city again. We are not in the same neighbourhood again, but we have been back to our old habit, which is talking in the phone for hours.

People come and go in our lives and being able to accept and to let go people in our lives is not always an easy thing to do. One thing I’m sure is that true ones will stay forever in my life. Therefore I really value all friendships I’ve got in my life. Because of them I feel rich that I’ve got people who love me, as well as the way I love them.

My Cooking Experience

2005-11-14T17:58:00.000+07:00

Before I studied in Oz, I was not really into cooking. Having helpers at my home, I didn't see any points of learning to cook. I always have someone cooked my meals, or I can buy them anytime. Besides, my family likes to dine out. Almost twice a week we dine out. Basic reason is to try new restaurants in the city.

When I moved out from homestay house back in Oz, I had to cook everything by myself. Living there was completely different from here in Indonesia. People do everything by themselves. No helpers. I was quite shocked. During my stay at homestay house, the housemother always cooked for me. Then, I started to learn cooking. I knew basic principles of cooking. I knew how to peel and chop vegetables. I know how to cook omelet and sunny side egg. Very basic but still I know. I also started having my own grocery shopping. One thing I always did was to stock sausages. For me it was a 'must have' meat that was very easy to cook. Whenever laziness came streaking me, sausage was the option. Only needed to heat it up in the microwave, then had it with a bowl of rice.

My regular menu was vegetable stews. It could be broccoli, zucchini, cauliflower, or peas. It could be mixed or combination of two of them, cooked with either oyster sauce, hoisin sauce or bbq sauce. My fave vegetables were broccoli and peas. Cheaper and easy to manage. After so many months eating vegetable stew and sausage, I missed my mom's cooking. My mom is not fond of cooking. She doesn't like Indonesian cooking and as I recall she always cooks European meals. So, I called her and asked her for some recipes. The ones I missed so much were baked macaroni and cheese, lamb chop and almond pudding. With all efforts and some experiments, I tried to cook those recipes. My friends were the tasters. They gave critiques, judge and even admire my cooking. We also shared recipes and different ways of cooking. Voila. I finally cooked real meal!!! Of course there were trial and error to get the best results. Once I made almond pudding, I had to repeat the recipe until 3 times. The problems were: I forgot how to mix the milk and the jelly; and I chose the wrong jelly powder. I became to be so into cooking. My new challenge!!! I was really good in those three recipes.

More challenge happened to me. I'd got friends who liked to cook. The first one was a male. He liked to cook for his friends. He invited me several times to his place to taste his cooking. He was good in Asian food, particularly Chinese. He was really good in fish porriage and noodles. His noodles reminded me of Mie Ayam back in Jakarta. Sometimes I felt it like a showing off, but eventually I got some cooking lessons from him.Once I cooked rendang for him, with intention to show him my cooking skills. At the end, he just threw away my rendang after tasting some of them. So sad and disappointed but still it was my challenge. Finally he was conquered by Soto Ayam. It was from instant ingredients but still he liked it so much. One of things that always reminds him of me. :)

The second one was my dearest female friend in Oz. She is an attractive woman. Looked very sophisticated, chic and high class. Besides all those, she really a great cook!! She also liked to invite people to come to her place to taste her cooking. She loved to download recipes from internet and gave try on them. I remembered once she called me have dinner at her place to have gordon bleu. It was so great. I learned many things from her too. I never knew there were pastry puff sold in supermarket. I learned how to make risolle from her. One thing I also learned from her was cooking tools and utensils. She collected all the cooking tools, especially the ones that I never knew before.

Now back in Jakarta, I have never been cooking again. Not that frequent as I used to when I was in Oz. Sometimes I miss it. The life style in Oz really provide the atmosphere of learning how to cook. I don't even go to supermarket that frequent. Out of sudden, I want to cook again. Therefore, yesterday I finally cooked baked macaroni n cheese or we use to call it macaroni schotel. It suprised me that the result was not bad. At first I was dissapointed that it would not be formed perfectly. When I cut it, it wasn't stiff enough. Well...the problem was, I was not patient enough to wait until it became cooler. Voila!!! My macaroni schotel was perfect. It was not too hard or soft. It was soft enough. I was satisfied, overwhelmed and proud. I do can cook. Only need some practice to improve my skill.

I've planned to cook more in the future. Improving more recipes, which are not only from my mom's. Besides, cooking is relaxing thing to do. It's just like a self indulgence. One thing I like about cooking is watching people enjoying what I cook. No wonder those my friends like to invite friends to enjoy their cooking. Well, a credit to my mom who insipires me to start cooking eventhough she never cooks, and also to both my friends who have triggered my curiousity to love cooking as much as they do.

Puasa di Negeri Orang

2005-11-12T12:14:00.000+07:00

Berada di negeri orang, terutama pada saat bulan puasa, banyak suka dan dukanya. Saat ini tepat 1,5 tahun saya tinggal di Brisbane, Australia dalam rangka meneruskan studi S2. Ramadhan kali ini adalah yang pertama kalinya buat saya. Pada awalnya terasa berat juga menjalankan puasa tanpa keluarga. Namun keberadaan sesama teman-teman Indonesia, membuat puasa di negeri orang menjadi unik. Keunikannya adalah karena hubungan antara sesama warga Indonesia di Australia, terutama di Brisbane, jadi makin terasa akrab.

Layaknya di Indonesia, acara buka puasa bersama juga menjadi populer di kalangan masyarakat di Brisbane. Suatu hari saya diundang buka puasa di rumah salah seorang kerabat. Sebagai buah tangan, saya menyumbang puding kembang tahu sebagai hidangan penutup. Puding kembang tahu adalah resep favorit keluarga saya dan saya bermaksud untuk memamerkan hasil masakan dari resep ibu kepada teman-teman disini. Akhirnya menelponlah saya ke ibu di Jakarta hanya untuk menanyakan resep dan cara memasaknya. Sebenarnya resep puding tersebut pernah saya praktekkan pada saat di SMA. Akan tetapi karena sudah hampir 10 tahun tidak membuatnya jadi saya tidak ingat resepnya. Saya pun belanja bahan-bahan membuat puding tersebut, dan dengan percaya diri dimulailah acara memasak puding kembang tahu. Namun apa yang terjadi? Ternyata hasil puding kembang tahu tersebut gagal total dan hancur berantakan, tidak seperti yang saya bayangkan sebelumnya. Berhubung tak ada gelas ukur, jadi semua resep serba dikira-kira. Ditambah lagi karena sedang puasa, jadi tidak bisa mecicipi dulu adonan pudingnya pada saat dimasak. Pada saat saya akan berangkat ke acara, puding kembang tahu itu masih cair. Berhubung saya sudah berjanji, sebagai pengganti saya beli buah-buahan dan saus vanilla instan untuk hidangan ’fruit cocktail’.

Pengalaman lain yang tak kalah uniknya adalah, acara buka puasa bersama di rumah makan Indonesia. Pada saat itu, saya dan teman-teman (berlima) memutuskan untuk jalan-jalan di mall dah berbuka di salah satu rumah makan Indonesia di Brisbane. Untuk kami, hal tersebut adalah pengalaman pertama makan di tempat tersebut, berhubung lokasi tempat tinggal kami dan rumah makan tersebut cukup jauh.

Ketika sampai di rumah makan tersebut, betapa senangnya hati kami karena kami banyak menemukan hal-hal yang sangat Indonesia, yang jarang kami temui di tempat lain di Brisbane. Saya, sangat terkejut menemui minuman teh kemasan botol, yang khas Indonesia. Selama ini saya hanya melihat jenis minuman tersebut dalam kemasa kotak. Lalu saya pilihlah minuman teh dalam botol tersebut sebagai minuman pembuka. Bersamaan dengan itu kami juga menemui makanan ringan khas Indonesia seperti kerupuk udang dan kerupuk opak, yang menambah suasana Indonesia di tempat itu.

Namu ada satu hal yang paling menambah perasaan ’berasa di Indonesia”, kami dapat menonton acara TV Indonesia!!! Wah sudah lama saya tidak nonton acara Indonesia beserta deretan iklan-iklannya. Untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup saya, saya begitu menikmati iklan-iklan yang biasanya selalu saya hindari pada saat nonton TV di Jakarta. Hal itu tak hanya terjadi pada saya saja, tetapi juga teman-teman saya.

Pada saat tepat pk.19.00 waktu Brisbane, yang notabene pk.16.00 WIB, kami pun langsung mengubah channel TV untuk acara infotainment. Kami sangat antusias melihat berita artis tanah air, sampai-sampai kami pun enggan beranjak dan sibuk mengomentari tokoh-tokoh di acara infotainment tersebut. Akan tetapi kami pun harus beranjak, karena rumah makan tersebut makin rame. Benar-benar berasa puasa di Indonesia!!

27 Okt 2004

I Found My Diary

2005-11-10T22:27:00.000+07:00

I woke up at 10.30AM today. I felt so lazy even to get up from my bed. I had a dream about you again. I saw you but I couldn’t see you clearly. I saw you in white outfit and you looked so fine.

Then I decided to get up when I saw my big suitcase. I’ve put all my unwanted clothes in that suitcase. I wanted to donate them since my wardrobe has been so full after coming back from Brisbane. I found my little agenda on my suitcase. It was my last year agenda.

When I read it, it just pulled me back to the memories behind. It reminded me of all the moments I had in Oz during 2004, all the happy, sad, disappointed ones that had filled up my days. I just realised I always put note on the days when I met you. Not every moment, but the highlighted ones that I want to remember.

Today is 22 Oct 05, exactly a year ago, we met in my apartment. Dina introduced me to you. It was one of the best days in my life. First time for our conversation, hang out together and our first physical contact. It was a great time as we spent the night going to dinner at Valley, movies, coffee and club in the city. It was also a memorable time coz I could go to club in Ramadhan, something impossibly happens if I’m in Indonesia on fasting month.

I also wrote on the day I cancelled going to Alicia Key’s concert. It was Saturday, 30 Oct 2004. It was also on Ramadhan day and I was waiting for break fasting time. I, you and Dina had dinner in Valley in one of Chinese restaurants there. I remember the reason why I didn’t go to the concert, it was because of you. I wanted to spend more time with you.

I was so happy reading the agenda. I even drew the lights I bought in IKEA. I remember I was late to meet you in the city that we missed the bus. I ran from my place to Starbucks Myer Center, but still I was late. You looked a bit upset but you didn’t want to show it to me. It was the first time I went to IKEA after almost a year I’d stayed in Brisbane. It was Wednesday, 1 December 04 and I didn’t have work on that day.

There are still many moments I wrote on the agenda. I only wrote some clues or hints to each moment/event, but they describe everything. Too bad I didn’t continue writing the agenda until the end of the year. Thank you for having lightened up my days.

Especially for K

Fireworks moments

2005-11-10T22:19:00.000+07:00

I’ve always liked fireworks all my life. It represents joyful, happiness, festive events and all positive feelings to celebrate something. They sparkle and bloom in the sky lighting up the darkness of the night sky. For me every firework I’ve ever seen is ‘fireworks moment’. Every fireworks moment has its own story, as well as it has lightened up my life.

When I was little, my grandmother’s house was located near the city center. Every New Year's eve I could easily saw the fireworks from there. Although I did not spend every New Year's eve there, but I could clearly picture out again now the ones that spent my grand mother’s house. I was so amused and amazed when watching fireworks from the big windows in the old house with Dutch-colonialism style, which facing directly to where they were popped out. In some New Year's eves, I and my cousin, aunts and uncles, walked to city center, to our national monument triumphantly stand symbolizing the national heroism, to see the fireworks closely. They were so colourful and left irreplaceable times I spent with my beloved late grand mother, and the house that is not existed any longer. It was the first firework moment I’ve ever remembered.

In 1994, I visited Disneyland in Anaheim, California, USA. Since I’ve been in love with Disney’s characters, going to Disneyland was something indescribable. I was so fascinated with all the visualization of Disney’s cartoon in the park. The rides, the buildings and the merchants seemed like dragging me into my fantasy. I spent my time there until the closing time. It was highlighted with fireworks. They became the peak of the whole excitement, as people were amused with the fireworks. It just looked like the opening scene in all Disney’s movies that showed Cinderella castle with fireworks on the background. I was so excited. I saw the real Cinderella castle with the fireworks sparkling behind it. They gave mark in my heart. They reflected my childhood which was so cheerful and filled with dreams and imaginations.

During my adulthood, I rarely see fireworks again. After the country has been crushed with political and economic turbulences, the government cut down the budget for every national celebration. Fireworks performance during New Year's eve has not been as remarkable as before. When I studied in Brisbane, Australia, I found out a local celebration called River Festival. It was an annual celebration that was held on the last week of August. Basically it was a celebration to welcome season of spring. The whole celebration was fireworks attraction along the Brisbane River, which cut across the city of Brisbane. People would start waiting for the fireworks 2 or 3 hours before to get a nice spot to view the fireworks. Brisbane had never been so packed. I screamed out loud when the fireworks started. Never had I seen fireworks as huge and colourful as they were. I was with all my friends. It was really an endless fireworks attraction as I recalled. It lasted for 30 minutes, with all different shapes that I want to record them all in my camera. Obviously I couldn’t, so I just stored them in my mind and in my heart. It was another fireworks moment that made realize of my luck for being able to study overseas, experiencing new things and exploring different lives. Something precious in my life.

I had to return home after studying in Australia for 2 years, followed by the sadness for the fact I couldn’t stay there. I gathered all the positive thinking that it would give hopes to me. The hardest part was, I was in love with someone. We had to be apart and it was out of our will. Situation made us to. Last days before I returned, there was a Buddha Festival in West End, Brisbane. We went there as it exhibited Buddhism that was aligned with Chinese culture. He was a Chinese but he wasn’t a Buddhist, so the festival was meant nothing to him. We went there just because of the fireworks. Unfortunately we came at the wrong day. There were no fireworks on that day. I was disappointed. I really want to see fireworks for the last time before returning home. Then we came again on the last day, on the last minute before the festival ended. I finally watched them, together with him holding me from behind. Those colors on the fireworks looked brighter and sparkled bigger than the ones in River Festival, though they were fewer. My life on that night was as bright as the fireworks in the Brisbane’s sky. That fireworks moment left a remark of whole story between me and him. That 15 minute performance was so impressive and unforgettable though the story between us has been over.

A week ago back in my dad’s hometown in East Java, other fireworks were fired to celebrate Idul Fitri. They were only few minutes, green fireworks, but they have reminded me of what I belong now. I have been back to my culture, among my family and friends. For how far I’ve travelled, my culture is my root. It forms me for what I am today. I will never leave my culture, the heritage my parents give me, the wealth I will pass to my children.

I don’t see fireworks too frequent, but the picture of them have resided in my heart through my firework moments. All the feelings come with them; hopefully is going to be the light for me to follow any path of life to where it will bring me to.

Why Magenta??

2005-11-10T13:20:00.000+07:00

It'a my fave color. I love shade of pink, purple and magenta. For me those color touch my view. They gave me amusement and they always be my first priority whenever it comes about color.

The first time I knew word 'Magenta' was from my set of color pencils. My parents liked to buy me color pencil. The big set of 36 colors. Every pencil had a name of the color on it. Among those pencils, I always chose Magenta. Sounded and looked good. Since then, I've fallen in love with the color.

Magenta....I like the sound of it. It could be a name for a person too.
I had 5 year relationship with my first boy friend. He was everything for me. I had a dream of having a family with him. We imagined us a happily married couple with kids and we named our first child as 'Magenta'. We both like the name, but he did not really like the color as much as I did. Since now he has been married to other girl, I will not have a child from him. I will not name my child Magenta in the future.

My preffered color is not only Magenta. I like purple too. Like it very much. Poeple can tell easily my taste of color. When studying in art school, my friends would easily recognize my artwork from the color. Most of them were in shades of purple-magenta-pink. Once I named one of my artwork as "Romansa Magenta". It was a tapestry in abstract way with a mixture of magenta, purple, pink, salem and blue threads.

That's the reason of me picking this blog skin color...Just love Magenta. Most of my stuff are in magenta-purple. My car, my bedsheet, my diary, my pen, my yahoo email, my font in yahoo messenger, my folder,are in either color. Though people here relates the color as 'widowed color', I don't care and I don't believe it. One thing for sure...I'm not a magenta freak. I like other colors too....It's just my favourite color....

My Passion...Finally

2005-11-09T16:59:00.000+07:00

This is my blog. Finally I made it after so many years I refused to have my own blog. I don't wanna follow the trend.

I've kept my passion of writing for so long. I didn't have the courage to start it. It's strange but it happens to me. I've been a reporter once and I enjoyed doing it though I did not like the topics of my writings. Then I've helped my friend to be a reporter once. She had a journalistic writing assignment and she did not have any idea what and how to write. She was accepted and according to her it was because of me.

I've got some writings..some...not many. Well that's why now I have my own blog. Not for anybody to read it, but purely for my own excitement. I wanna to write whatever in my mind, so I would remember always what kind of thoughts I've ever had in my life.